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04/02/2003: "Disarmament clinic"

USA: (Knock) Saddam: Come in. USA: Ah, Is this the right place for disarmament? Saddam: I told you once that I've disarmed. USA: No you haven't. Saddam: I've already disarmed. USA: When? Saddam: Just now. USA: No you didn't. Saddam: Yes I did. USA: You didn't Saddam: I did! USA: You didn't! Saddam: I'm telling you I did! USA: You did not!! Saddam: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Do you mean full disarmament or just a couple of missiles? USA: Oh, full disarmament. Saddam: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did. USA: You most certainly did not. Saddam: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely disarmed. USA: No you did not. Saddam: Yes I did. USA: No you didn't. Saddam: Yes I did. USA: No you didn't. Saddam: Yes I did. USA: No you didn't. Saddam: Yes I did. USA: You didn't. Saddam: Did. USA: Oh look, this isn't compliance with UN Resolution 1441. Saddam: Yes it is. USA: No it isn't. It's just defiance. Saddam: No it isn't. USA: It is! Saddam: It is not. USA: Look, you just contradicted me. Saddam: I did not. USA: Oh you did!! Saddam: No, no, no. USA: You did just then. Saddam: Nonsense! USA: Oh, this is futile! Saddam: No it isn't. USA: I came here for a full accounting for destruction of your weapons. Saddam: No you didn't; no, you came here for compliance. USA: Compliance isn't just saying "I've disarmed." Saddam: It can be. USA: No it can't. Compliance is revealing and destroying weapons of mass destruction in full view of U.N. inspectors. Saddam: No it isn't. USA: Yes it is! It's not just empty statements. Saddam: Look, if I comply with the UN, I must say I've disarmed. USA: Yes, but full disarmament isn't just saying "I've disarmed." Saddam: Yes it is! USA: No it isn't! USA: Disarmament is an open process. Declarations of de-weaponizing absent records or hard evidence of actual destruction of WMDs is useless. (Pause.) Saddam: No it isn't. USA: It is. Saddam: Not at all. USA: Now look. Saddam: (Rings bell) Good Morning. USA: What? Saddam: That's it. Good morning. USA: I was just getting started. Saddam: Sorry, the inspections are done. USA: That was never disarmament! Saddam: I'm afraid it was. USA: It wasn't. (Pause...) Saddam: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowing inspections anymore. USA: What?! Saddam: If you want me to allow inspections, you'll have to pass another UN resolution. USA: Yes, but that was never compliance, just now. Oh come on! Saddam: (Hums) USA: Look, this is ridiculous. Saddam: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've passed another U.N. resolution. USA: Oh, all right. (passes 18th resolution against Iraq) Saddam: Thank you. (Pause...) USA: Well? Saddam: Well what? USA: That wasn't really compliance, just now. Saddam: I told you, I'm not going to allow inspections unless you've passed a UN resolution. USA: I just did! Saddam: No you didn't. USA: I DID! Saddam: No you didn't. ...and so on and so on. Making the rounds.